My plan failed. Jason threatened to come to the
house if I didn’t contact him. He was a liar. He
wouldn’t leave me in peace.
- 19.
We went to the river and set off fireworks. The dark water reflected the bursts of color. He checked his watch, his thick eyebrows raised. He turned to me, his eyes sparkling in the flickering light.
“December 31st, 7:59 PM. Time to keep your promise, Ashley.” He looked oddly excited, but his breathing was uneven, a hint of nervousness
in his voice.
“You said you were turning over a new leaf this year. Four more hours. Then you’re mine.”
I’d planned to pay back my parents, leave this
town, shed my reputation, and finally be free. If
he’d been single then if he’d still felt the same
<
11:23
way, maybe I would ve had the courage to be
with him.
But life had other plans. Right before my fresh start, a persistent cough led to a diagnosis: stage IV lung cancer. I spent six months
pushing him away, hoping he’d find someone else. But he chose Brittany. The source of all my nightmares.
I knew he was trying to provoke me. But I didn’t have the energy to play his games.
I wanted him to be a jerk, a true player. So I could enjoy this brief taste of…something like love, without guilt or expectations.
“You have a string of ox–girlfriends. You owe them an explanation. We’re just friends with
benefits,” I said.
“Can’t help that. I want to get married this year, and you’re available. Tough luck, Ashley.” He
eaid it casually like it wae no big deal
11:23
“Fine.” I smiled. “You have a month and a half.
Date around, see if you find anyone better. If
not. I’ll marry you on Valentine’s Day.”
Jason’s grin was almost uncontrollable. He
turned away, trying to hide it. looking at the city
lights. I saw the muscle in his cheek twitching.
“I just said I wanted to get married this year.
You jumped straight to Valentine’s Day.
Someone’s eager.” A wave of sadness washed
over me. He’d be so devastated when he found
out I was gone.
“Don’t forget, I have an ex, too. If things.
change. if we get back together…”
“Ashley!” Jason turned to me, his eyes.
narrowed. “Do you have to bring that up now?”
He didn’t say anything else, but I knew. The
fact that I wasn’t a virgin was a sore spot.
“I’m not the only one with a past, Ashley. I’ve
Siept with plenty of women. Do matter yourself.”
“We’ll see who dumps who in a month and a half.”
- 20.
Jason was angry. He stormed off, leaving me behind. I struggled to catch my breath, my chest tight. I sank onto a bench by the river.
Forget it. I thought. Just forget it. Let him go. I didn’t need anyone to share my final journey.
But Jason came back. “Don’t be like that. We’ll
be fine,” he said.
“Remember the peony bush by the track? We
used to rest there after our runs. You loved that
bush. You even drew it once.”
“I have a house in Seattle. There’s a whole
garden of peonies in the backvard. White. pink.
<
yellow…I’ll take you to see it in the spring.”
He took my hand, his palm warm against mine.
His voice was gentle, earnest.
“If you like it there, we’ll stay. We won’t come
back.”
Okay. We wouldn’t come back..
- 21.
I stayed at home for a few more days. I could
barely eat anymore. My throat felt constricted. Every swallow was like needles stabbing my
esophagus. Even water made me choke,
sending me into fits of coughing.
The front door opened and closed constantly,
footsteps echoing past my room. The TV
blared, punctuated by laughter.
“Genius, wanna see a monkey show?” Jason
<
sent me a weird text one day.
“Are you in it?” I teased.
“I could be the monkey’s stick.” He was such a
dork.
A few days later. I heard they were back together. I had a bad feeling about this. Then I heard Dad got a raise. Mom got a Hermès bag. Brittany was shopping for engagement rings.
On a particularly cold day. Dad came into my room, pinching his nose. “What time is it? Why
are you still in bed?”
He went straight to the balcony and threw open
the windows, letting in the icy wind. I shivered,
pulling the covers tighter.
Dad frowned. “All that coughing. This room’s a breeding ground for germs. You need fresh air.”
11:23
“I told you to dress warmly, drink hot water, open the windows. You never listen. You always think we’re trying to harm you. Now look at you, practically coughing up a lung. Maybe this will teach you a lesson.”
“Get up. It’s a beautiful day. Clean your room, the kitchen, the bathroom. Your sister’s fiancé is coming for dinner. Your mom can’t do everything herself.”
So, Jason was coming. I was so tired. I could
barely keep my eyes open.
“I don’t feel well. I want to sleep.” My throat was raw, every breath a painful rasp.
“Why sleep now when you can sleep forever?” Dad said, his voice laced with disappointment.
“If you want to sleep, sleep somewhere else! We need to clean this room. What’s he going to
think, seeing you sleeping in the middle of the day? He’ll think we’re all lazy like you.”
He dragged my suitcase out of the corner and dropped it on the floor. “Hurry up! If you don’t want to help, get out! Stay at a motel for a few days.”
I got up. I heard Mom in the living room.
“Robert! She’s still sick! She can’t do all that!”
“What choice do we have?” Dad’s voice was
loud, punctuated by coughs. “Our own daughter doesn’t care. We have to do it ourselves. Forget it. It’s not like it’s the first time. It’s always been
like this.”
As I dragged my suitcase out, Mom walked by.
She didn’t even look at me. My face was
swollen, pale, my nose red and chapped. I’d
been too tired to bother with makeup. Too late
now. She didn’t even notice me.
“When can I come back?” I asked, my voice
cracking. Mom didn’t turn around. “You said we
were even. What are you coming back for?” she
scoffed.
- 22.
I didn’t want to be homeless. But dying in a
motel room felt…wrong. I found a spot under a
bridge. It was cold and damp, but hidden. A
little girl stared at me.
“Are you sleeping here tonight?” she finally
asked. I nodded. “Why don’t you go home?”
Her mother apologized and pulled her away. I needed a better hiding place.
