- 3.
It was dark when I got home.
Usually the house was all lit up. Even when
Nick wasn’t home, the housekeeper, Maria,
would turn on all the lights.
I walked in and turned on the lights in the
living room. There was my husband, Nick,
sitting at the dining table.
In the center of the table was a birthday cake
with candles.
Nick quickly wiped his face. His eyes were
red.
It hit me.
Nick was celebrating Sarah’s birthday.
I wanted to laugh.
<
Today was the day I found out I had terminal
pancreatic cancer, and my parents, my
brother, and my husband were all thinking
about someone else.
Nick looked annoyed to see me. Probably
because I was interrupting his remembrance
of his perfect angel. “I thought the driver said
you went to your parents‘ house. Why are you
back?”
I gave a bitter laugh and handed Maria my
coat. “My parents‘ house? Do I have a real
home?”
I’d been at the hospital all day, and I was
exhausted.
I didn’t want to talk to Nick. I just wanted to
go to bed.
But he wasn’t going to let me go. Just as I
was about to open the bedroom door, he
said, “Don’t you have something you want to
say today?”
I laughed at Nick’s words and turned to face
him.
“What should I say? What do you want me to
say?”
“You want me to get on my knees and beg
for forgiveness. You want me to cry and wail,
and slap myself.
“That’s still not enough. You want me to die,
right?”
I was being rude, but I was angry, and he
deserved it
He grabbed my chin, making me look him in
the eye.
“Laura, do you even have a heart? Don’t you
know why Sarah killed herself?”
“What? Are you showing your true colors
now? You can’t keep up the act anymore?
You’re disgusting!”
“You’re right, you should die. You should give
Sarah her life back. Your worthless life isn’t
worth a fraction of Sarah’s!”
Nick looked like he did the first time I met
him. It made me feel dizzy.
Three years ago, when I first came to this
family, I felt like I was walking on eggshells
because of Sarah.
<
I was so afraid of saying or doing the wrong
thing. I didn’t want to make Sarah cry, or
upset Mom, Dad, or Tom.
Everyone was so worried about Sarah that
they didn’t notice how awkward I felt.
Nick was the only one who saw it. He saw my
embarrassment, my carefulness, my sadness.
When I hid and cried, he was always the first
one to find me. He told me that it wasn’t my
fault.
During that first year with the Millers, Nick
was the only good thing in my life.
So when Dad told me that the Millers and the
Andersons were planning a marriage and
asked if I was willing, I agreed, terrified of
losing that warmth.
But on the day Nick and I got married, Sarah
jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. Nick
choked me, yelling, “It’s all your fault! Why did
you have to come back!”
“You stole her parents, her brother, and now
her husband!”
“You finally got what you wanted! You drove
her to her death!”
At that moment, I realized that if I hadn’t
come back, Sarah would’ve married Nick.
Nick was supposed to be Sarah’s husband.
When Sarah jumped off that bridge, I lost the
only person in the world who was on my side.
How could a living piece of trash ever
compare to a dead angel?
