“Don’t be ridiculous, those are my dad’s boots,
he just bought them a week ago, it’s you, you
must have feet fungus.” Brittany said it in a
serious voice.
<
I didn’t know if I should take off the boots
immediately or try to explain.
Hearing the commotion, Mom rushed over,
reeking of cheap beer. Without a word, she
slapped me across the face.
“You’re too old to be walking around not taking
care of yourself! Go wait outside!”
Brittany’s friends were shocked, staring at Mom
and me with wide eyes.
My face burned with humiliation. A flicker of
pride rose up, but Mom stomped it flat.
Aunt Carol stepped in. “Why are you hitting
her? It’s not her fault; it’s Dad’s stinky feet, not
the kid.”
I looked at Aunt Carol, grateful. I often imagined what it would be like if she was my mother.
<
8:26
She’d talk to me nicely, wouldn’t hit me, and I
could have birthday cake instead of doing
chores all day.
Mom rolled her eyes at me and turned to
Brittany, her face full of concern.
“Brittany, I’m so sorry. This deadbeat ruined
your birthday party. I’m going to give her a
piece of my mind.”
I felt a wave of fear wash over me. “A piece of
her mind” wasn’t just words.
Mom dragged me out of Aunt Carol’s house,
shoving me as soon as we got outside.
I lost my balance and tumbled down the steps.
Mom wasn’t satisfied, though. She grabbed me
and slapped me twice more.
“You’re a leech! You should’ve died when you
were born!”
<
I was dizzy from the blows, not sure if she was
talking to me or just yelling at the world.
Brittany and I were born on the same day. She
was celebrating with cake and diamonds, while I
was getting yelled at and beaten.
A wave of anger and resentment flooded me,
and I finally found the courage to fight back.
I struggled, pushing her away.
“If you hate me so much, why did you have
me?” I cried.
Mom froze, surprised that I’d dared to resist.
“You think I wanted you? If it wasn’t for…”
She caught herself, clamping her mouth shut.
Back home, Mom opened another bottle of
<
8:26
cheap beer, drinking in the dark living room.
844
She kept yelling at me, saying I ruined Brittany’s
party.
I hid in the kitchen, not making a sound. My bed
was in there.
The moonlight helped. I wiped my tears and
took my books out of the cupboard to study.
I was slow, so I had to work harder to catch up
with Brittany, to get into high school.
Then Mom staggered into the kitchen, slurring,
and I jumped. I quickly shoved my books under
the covers.
Mom stumbled over to my bed.
I sat there, frozen, but then she smiled, a tender
smile she usually only gave Brittany.
く
844
She sat next to me and said, “Mommy loves you
so much. Are you mad at Mommy?”
I was stunned for a moment, my heart skipping
a beat.
Mom said she loved me.
Then, she leaned against my shoulder, mumbling, “Brittany, when you go to college,
come live with me! That deadbeat doesn’t
deserve to raise you!.”
“If it wasn’t for money and me being
unemployed, I wouldn’t have traded you with Ashley, Mommy loves you so much…”
The words crashed over me like a tidal wave.
Was Mom telling the truth?
I wasn’t her kid? I was really Aunt Carol’s
daughter?
<
Thinking of Aunt Carol’s gentle touch, her loving
looks when she looked at Brittany, I felt a
strange kind of hope.
Could I really have a mother like that?
