“But Mandy is also depressed!”
My mom said, throwing the diagnosis she had
found in my room in front of my dad.
Major depression, pessimistic and hopeless.
Parents hated her, brother and sister hurt her.
<
Multiple cases of self–harm.
The patient’s body is covered in scars.
Suicide attempts!
Each line was like a punch to the gut!
My dad quickly closed it, his chest rising and
falling.
He finally understood that depression wasn’t
like Brittany’s dramatics.
Depression was raw and brutal!
Meanwhile, Brittany was still acting like she
was in pain.
Mom held out a bottle of my pills to her “Ry
She froze, momentarily lost for words.
Picking Up the Pieces
Of course, Brittany didn’t want the pills. As
soon as they got out of the car, she ran away.
Back home, Mom started cleaning up my
things. Looking through it all, she started
understanding what my life had been like.
No glamorous lifestyle, just constant work
and emotional breakdowns.
She touched my sock with a hole in it, and
couldn’t let go.
“Why were you so stubborn, always arguing
with us? Why didn’t you ever tell me when you
burting2”
I had tears in my eyes, a sour feeling in my
heart.
Mom, I tried! But what did you do then?
The first time Brittany bullied me, I went to
you.
But you only believed Brittany’s fake tears.
You only cared about comforting her.
I grabbed your shirt, upset. “Mom, I didn’t yell
at her. She yelled at me, and she tore my
book.”
You angrily pushed me away. “You are
learning how to lie now. How can Brittany,
who is still so little, do such a thing? You are
the older sister. You should be more
understanding!”
I was the older sister!
You always emphasized that.
Because of this, I was expected to endure
everything.
But you never expected that from my older
brother.
Mom, you don’t love me.
What’s the point of telling you all my
troubles?
Mom, I’m your child too!
I’m not asking you to love me the most. Just
to love me a little.
Г
But why do you refuse even that?
Why?
The Funeral
My funeral day was beautiful. The sun was
shining, the sky was clear.
My black and white photo was on a black
gravestone, and I was smiling carefree, like a
pampered princess.
Dad and Kevin both lowered their heads and
cried. Brittany cried even harder, saying
“sister” over and over as if she really cared.
Relatives and friends offered condolences
and said how much our family loved me.
I stood there, feeling like it was all a joke.
The crying didn’t stop, but Mom was just
standing there, expressionless.
After the funeral, my dad complained.
“So many people were watching. As my
mother, you should have shed a tear. What
are people going to think of us?”
My mom didn’t say anything. She just looked
into the distance. Her white hair was striking
in the sun.
A few days later, she took my death.
certificate to the police station to cancel my
registration.
The officer picked up the stamp, ready to
mark my name, when she spoke suddenly.
“Wait!”
The officer looked at her, curious. “What’s
wrong? Is there a problem?”
Her lip trembled, she wanted to say
something but couldn’t.
After a while, she could only shake her head.
The red stamp was finally put down.
Mom held the household registration book,
looking at the bright red words on it.
Canceled!
She finally realized I was really dead.
く
Her fingers shook, and her back hunched over
as she crouched on the ground, crying her
heart out.
“Mandy, my baby!”
“What am I going to do? You were so
young…‘
99
“I’m so sorry, Mom is so sorry…”
وو
She cried my name, her face full of tears,
pain eating away at her.
For some reason, my eyes also got wet.
A month after I died, my mother finally cried
for me.
The Aftermath of Loss
My mom was full of regret.
Everyone could see how much she missed
- me.
She put my picture on her bedside table, and
prayed every day.
She prepared a room for me, bought me
many pretty dresses.
She would smile as she told people stories
about my childhood, and she would brag
about me.
She would say that her daughter was a good
girl, that she wasn’t a good mom.
She would cry at night as she looked at my
photos, calling my name softly.
Mandy, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I watched her do all of this, a mixture of
emotions inside me.
Mom, stop doing this.
While I was alive, I was desperately looking
for your love.
But you didn’t give it to me.
Now that I’m dead, you’re starting to love me.
It’s too late!
I wanted to leave, but I couldn’t. I was bound
by blood, and I had to watch them every
single day.
Until one day something big happened.
My brother got into a romance scam and lost
a hundred thousand dollars.
Not only was it all of his savings but also
included a $80,000 loan.
That number was like a catastrophe for our
family.
Mom and Dad’s savings wouldn’t be enough
to cover it all.
That’s when Brittany came home.
My brother begged her for help, desperate.
When she heard this, she covered her mouth in shock, then tears fell down like pearls.
“I don’t have any money, I have to ask for my allowance every month.”
“I don’t even get it all the time. Ever since Chris knew about Mandy’s death, he’s always
been so sarcastic with me.”
“He said I was manipulating and deliberately
seduced him to ruin their relationship.”
“And he is always comparing me to her,
saying she was a great earner and more
educated.”
be bit mo Mom
m
وو
Г
“He…he hit me, Mom. I am so angry!”
She rolled up her sleeve, revealing the
bruises, hoping that her mother would take
her side.
But my mom was cold and just asked.
“Isn’t everything he said true? You got what
you deserved.”
Brittany’s eyes widened, not believing that Mom would say something like that to her.
“Mom, what’s wrong with you? It’s not my
fault that my sister died. Why are you blaming
me?”
The Unraveling
She looked very pitiful with her tears, and my
dad tried to comfort her.
“Your mom has been acting crazy lately.
Don’t worry about her. But you do need to
help your brother.”
Brittany shook her head, looking upset. “What
can I do? I don’t have any money, and Chris
would never give me any.”
وو
My brother’s eyes lit up. He remembered
something. “You do, your wedding gift plus
your dowry, that’s at least $30,000 right?”
Dad laughed and quickly agreed. “Yes,
$30,000 will be enough to help with loan
payments, Brittany, you need to lend it to
your brother!”
Brittany looked shocked, and beads of sweat
ran down her forehead.
“I…I still need the money to buy a house!
We’ve already decided!”
“Nonsense, I talked to your husband before,
you have no plans to buy a house. You just
put the money into a savings account.”
وو
My brother was becoming emotional. “Bottom
line, you just don’t want to lend the money,
right?”
Brittany went into a rage. “So what if I don’t
want to lend the money? It’s my money,
mine!”
My dad was stunned by her outburst.
“Brittany, why are you so selfish? We’re a
family. Your brother always doted on you.‘
“A family?”
Brittany pointed at herself, laughing. “You
99
can’t fool me, I always knew I wasn’t your real
child. Mandy is your real family!”
“You sucked her dry, and now you want to
suck me dry too. No way!”
She was shouting and looked scary.
My dad couldn’t believe his eyes. It was like
he was seeing her for the very first time.
“You… You ungrateful brat!”
