Sarah fell hard, bursting into tears. Mom
slapped me across the face. “How dare you
push Sarah!”
I screamed, “Am I even your daughter anymore?
You only care about her!”
Mom raised her hand again, but Dad stopped
her. I stood there, defiant. Sarah wailed. Mom
stormed off to her room, Dad following to
placate her. No one noticed that I was still
hungry.
I walked to the kitchen and mechanically ate the
cold, squished burger. It tasted awful. But I ate
every last bite. It was mine. I wouldn’t let Sarah
have it.
After that, Sarah calmed down. Dad must’ve
talked to Mom, because she, while forcing me
to apologize to Sarah, was nicer to me. I
apologized. If it meant Mom would love me like
<
she used to, I’d do anything. Even though she
still constantly reminded me, “Sarah’s always
been delicate. You’re older, so you have to be
more understanding and take care of her.” I
gritted my teeth and bore it.
For a while, things were…okay. Then, near the
end of the school year, we both brought home
our report cards. I’d gotten second in my class.
I couldn’t wait to tell my parents. Sarah was
crying. She’d obviously failed something. She
was a C student at best. Mom came home first,
and Sarah was still sniffling. Before I could tell
Mom about my grades, her face darkened. She
marched over and slapped me, hard. Then she
pulled Sarah into a hug. My cheek throbbed, my
head spun. She shrieked, “Ashley, you’ve been
bullying Sarah again!”
That was the second time she’d slapped me for
Sarah. It was like a bucket of ice water, no, a
thousand buckets, had been dumped on me,
drowning me in a dark, freezing lake. I felt like I
couldn’t breathe. I covered my ears, crouching
down, trying to block out her voice.
<
I don’t know how long I stayed like that. Then,
Dad came home. I looked up, like he was my
only lifeline. Fighting back tears, I said, “Dad, I
didn’t bully her. She’s crying because she did
badly on her tests. Please, believe me.” My
voice trembled. I was terrified. In that moment, I
knew. To Mom, Sarah was the precious one.
And me? I was nothing. If Dad felt the same
way, I didn’t know what I’d do.
Dad helped me up and asked Sarah what
happened. She seemed stunned by Mom’s
outburst. After a long pause, she mumbled, “……….
I didn’t say Ashley bullied me. I was crying
because I failed math.”
I burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably. Dad
yelled at Mom, “Couldn’t you have asked before
hitting her?!”
Mom’s face went red. “Sarah was crying her
eyes out! Ashley didn’t even try to comfort her.
What kind of sister is she? Did I do wrong to
slap her? What if Sarah, with her delicate
health, got really sick from crying so hard?”
Dad, to my shock, stayed silent. He sighed, led
<
me, still crying, to the kitchen, and got me an ice pack. “Ashley, don’t be too hard on your
mom. She always felt guilty about Sarah’s
health. Sarah had a few close calls, really
scared your mom. That’s why she’s so
protective. Try to understand.”
I looked down. “Dad,” I whispered, “what about you? Why didn’t you say anything?”
He hesitated. “I wasn’t here for those years.
Your mom had to do everything herself. I feel
like I owe her, so I try to go along with her. I’m
sorry, Ashley.”
I bit my lip. “Dad, do you love me more, or
Sarah?”
His voice softened. “Ashley, you’re such a good kid. Of course, Dad loves you. I’ll get you
McDonald’s tomorrow.”
“Just me? Or both of us? If it’s just for me, can
I tell Sarah she can’t have any?”
“And why didn’t you ask about my grades?
Because she did badly, and you knew I did well,
and you didn’t want to upset her, right? Mom’s
already slapped me twice for Sarah. And
<
Sarah’s always the one in the wrong, but you
never make her apologize to me.” I looked up at him. “Dad, why? Why does everything have to be about Sarah’s happiness? Why can’t you see when I’m unhappy? Why did you even have me? Why do I have to pay the price for your guilt?” Dad stared at me, speechless. The kitchen light was dim, and my eyes were blurry from crying. After a long silence, he stroked my hair.
“Ashley, you’re still young. Both you and Sarah are our precious daughters. It’s just…Sarah suffered so much because of her health. That’s why your mom is more protective, and I try to be mindful of her feelings. I’m sorry you’re upset. When you’re older, when you have your own kids, you’ll understand.”
