I had to beg for forgiveness.
“Mom, I’m sorry! It was a mistake! I was just
being stupid!”
“Please, don’t rip up the letter! I won’t talk
back! I get it!”
I don’t know how many times I hit my head on
the floor.
Finally, she tossed the letter at me.
“Fine, go pack.”
Г
Still shaking, I tried to stand, needing
someone to help me.
Dad was at the table, eating breakfast.
To punish me.
Mom took all the money I’d earned from
tutoring.
She cut my allowance to almost nothing.
And she took all my hats and scarves.
She wanted me to start college with a bald
head.
She wanted me to be a joke.
The registration area was a madhouse
Everyone stared at my head.
They said I was sick.
They said I had lice, maybe contagious.
They said I was trying to be different.
They all avoided me.
I never got used to it.
I kept my head down as Mom dragged me
through the crowd.
She filled out forms, got my bedding.
She even loaded my meal card, taking care of
everything.
Dad silently dragged my heavy bags behind
- us.
I walked through the campus bald and empty
handed.
To others, I was their spoiled child.
They were always like that.
They made it look like they had sacrificed
everything.
In case we ever argued.
So everyone would side with them.
We got to the dorm with a group of
upperclassmen.
Some of my roommates were already there.
Mom said the first thing that came to mind.
“Hi, everyone, this is my daughter, Chelsea. I hope you all can look after her, because she
is a bit special needs.”
The roommates looked at each other.
They looked at my head, then at Mom.
They just nodded awkwardly.
Mom smiled, happy to get a response.
While putting the sheets on the bed, she
blabbered on about my childhood
embarrassments.
I bit my lip, unsure of what to say.
She’d be gone soon.
If I worked hard.
I wouldn’t have to go home.
I’d be free.
But when all my roommates went to dinner, it
was still me and Mom.
So I finally asked, “What time is your flight? Is
Dad waiting at the airport?”
“Flight? I’m not going anywhere today.”
She sounded proud.
“Didn’t you know? I got approved for a
promotion! If I pass the company interview,
and your school is close to the location, so I’ll
be here for a while. I’ll see how you are
settling in.”
My heart sank.
“Mom, the school doesn’t allow parents in the
dorms! Can I book you a hotel?”
I kept my voice down.
She could go crazy and cut me off.
“A hotel? You wanna waste money? You can
stay in your dorm!”
“Don’t worry, I’ll talk to the school!”
I don’t know what she told them.
I just know she stayed.
And after that.
The coordinator always looked at me with
disdain.
The next day, we had to start ROTC.
At four in the morning.
Mom forced me into a uniform and dragged
me to the field.
She wanted to impress the teachers.
I was exhausted, and the sun was blinding.
I almost fell.
Suddenly, ice water poured over me.
Mom stood there with an umbrella, smiling.
“Don’t be lazy! Everyone else is trying, what
makes you special?”
I was embarrassed and annoyed.
The water, sweat, and tears blurred my vision.
Everyone sneered at me.
No one cared that I’d been standing here for
four hours.
During a break.
The instructor told us to do something
interesting to break the ice.
Mom sat with us, poking me.
I’d always been embarrassed about my hair.
I kept my head down.
She grew impatient.
After a good dance performance from a
classmate.
She pushed me into the crowd, I clutched my
uniform.
The vibe died down.
Mom rolled her eyes, walking over to me.
“What a waste! You can’t even do this? You’ll
never succeed. So embarrassing.”
Mom’s terrible singing attracted everyone’s
attention.
They laughed.
They pointed.
They looked disgusted.
I wanted to escape.
But I couldn’t.
