Love is lost
It was almost our anniversary, and Jason and his perfect blonde walked into the hotel, holding hands.
I dialed his number, but my thirteen–year–old son, Mikey, answered.
“Dad’s at a parent–teacher conference, so buzz
off!” Mikey snapped.
Then, he blocked my number.
That night, father and son decided I’d disrupted the family.
They used their twisted version of “family
discipline“.
I was locked out on the freezing porch in a
howling wind, made to stand there all night.
く
This time, I finally got the message!
I dragged my feverish body inside and slapped
down the divorce papers.
I, Sarah, was initiating the divorce from Jason!
1
Jason was in his home office.
He didn’t even look up when he heard the word
“divorce,” still glued to his work.
I waited for an hour.
Just as I was about to pass out, he finally
spoke.
“Sarah, I just made you stand outside for a bit,
and you want to divorce me?”
“You screwed up. so vou deserved it. right?”
I opened my mouth.
For the first time, I resisted the urge to defend
myself.
I just said, “Sign them.”
Jason shrugged, “I’m keeping Mikey, deal?”
He raised an eyebrow, surprised when I didn’t
fight him.
To appear fair, he called Mikey into the office
anyway, and asked.
“Who do you want to live with after Mom and
Dad split?”
Mikey was definitely Jason’s kid.
He didn’t just look like him, he had the same
condescending, cold look in his eyes when he
8:50
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38
Mikey said, “I’m a Carter, not a… whatever you are now.”
I used to lie awake all night when he said things like that, crying until dawn.
But after last night?
Any maternal feelings I had for Mikey were gone.
I didn’t even look at him as I walked into the
bedroom.
We’d been married thirteen years.
I’d spent all that time taking care of Jason and
Mikey, so I had hardly anything that was just
mine.
I was packed in under ten minutes.
<
I dragged my suitcase out of the room.
Jason was on the couch, watching the stock
market.
Without turning around, he said, “Where are you
going? I’ll have the driver take you.”
“No need.”
I fought the dizziness and discomfort from my
fever and forced myself toward the front door.
Just then, a golf ball flew down from the
second floor, nailing me in the back of the
head.
Mikey’s game room was up there.
He always practiced his indoor golf after
finishing his homework.
lason and Mikey exchanged that “she’s faking
<
Jason and Mikey exchanged that “she’s faking
it” look as I clutched my head and collapsed.
They let me writhe on the floor for half an hour.
Finally, I crawled out of the Carter mansion,
drenched in sweat, and went to the hospital
alone for an IV.
Once the fever broke, I numbly boarded a bus
heading out to the suburbs.
Two hours later, I stood at the gate to my
Grandma Betty’s place.
Grandma Betty was overjoyed, but she didn’t
ask any questions when I showed up
unexpectedly.
She just started a fire in the wood stove and
made a big pot of taro stew.
Mikey used to love taro stew as a little kid.
<
8:50
37
Sometimes he’d eat too much and demand that I carry him.
–
Then when he was six or seven, some kid told
him taro was just garbage that poor people ate.
After that, Mikey wouldn’t let me bring any of Grandma Betty’s taro home.
“Uh… uh…”
I was eating too fast and had to pound my
chest, trying to stop the hiccups.
Every line on Grandma Betty’s face deepened into a smile.
“You’re such a silly Sarah.”
Grandma Betty smoothed my messy hair and braided it into my favorite childhood style, her old hands trembling.
<
That night, after years of insomnia, I slept like a
rock.
I knew I was finally home.
Two days later, I got a call from Jason.
He asked coldly, “Where’s that silk shirt I bought overseas last year?”
I instinctively told him exactly where it was and suggested the tie on the far left of the top drawer to go with it.
I could hear him rustling around, getting dressed.
