- 15.
A recurring dream had haunted me for years.
I was running, clutching a magnolia blossom
that had just fallen from the tree.
I was so excited to show my friend how it
glowed in the twilight. But I’d fallen. By the
time I reached his room, Seth was surrounded
by doctors, the heart monitor flatlining.
He would never paint me playing the cello
again. He would never open that door for me.
He would never reach out his hand.
He’d asked me to bring him a spring flower,
and he’d vanished into spring, before I could
return.
It felt like a punishment.
See, Chelsea? my father had said, gripping
my shoulder, staring at my dazed face. Your mistakes can have consequences for others. Don’t make mistakes again, okay?
For years, I’d felt like I was running, yet trapped in that hospital room. I was healthy,
but I was the one who felt terminally ill.
Sick with guilt. Never healing.
Then Julian. Like a demon king from a fairy tale, he was a burning flame, fearless, relentless.
This time, in my dream, I didn’t run.
པཔ་པ་ཁྱན་
لمصممملح
<
I stopped, placed the magnolia blossom on
the ground, and said, Seth, I’m moving on. Be well.
<
