Then, my two former friends came over and said, “Giving these little things to Mary will just get them crushed by her mom.”
I don’t know where I found the courage, but I grabbed the cage and said, “No, I will take good care of them.”
All day, I thought about how to explain to mom.
Just before school ended, I had an idea.
I called dad and asked for his help.
I heard a baby crying in the background.
He agreed.
I was thrilled and boldly took the cage home.
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3:40
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I told mom it was a gift from dad for both of us.
Mom was suspicious, but after confirming with
dad, she accepted it.
The rabbits were placed on the balcony.
Watching them brought a bit of sunshine into
my dark life.
During the New Year’s holiday, my deskmate and I represented the school in a provincial physics competition.
He won first place.
I got second.
We were overjoyed and returned to the city.
I ran to mom with my certificate.
Mom glanced at it.
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Mom glanced at it.
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In front of the school leaders, teachers, and my
deskmate, she slapped me twice with the
certificate.
Everyone was stunned.
She grabbed my collar and demanded, “Why is
he first and you second!”
Then, she attacked my deskmate, leaving two
bloody scratches on his neck.
“You little thug, giving my daughter rabbits to distract her from her studies!”
Turning to the principal, she knelt and pleaded, “Mr. Griffin, you must expel this thug. What if Mary gets hurt because of him? Can your school take responsibility?”
It turned out mom never believed the rabbits
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3:40
She had checked the school’s surveillance and
found out the boy brought the cage in the
morning.
I took it out in the evening.
That day, everyone at the train station watched
the scene.
I felt like I had fallen from a snowy mountain.
All I felt was pain and cold.
I don’t know how I got home.
When I arrived, I went straight to the balcony.
The cage was there.
The rabbits were gone.
I cried and asked mom, “Mom, where are my
rabbits? What did you do to them?”
<
Mom brought out a pot of soup.
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“Your rabbits are here. Honey, if you eat the
meat and drink the soup, I will believe you are
not dating.”
I refused.
Mom’s slaps rained down on me.
I felt like I was going to die.
Desperate to survive, I gave in.
I knelt, took a symbolic sip of the soup, and ate
the meat.
Then I vomited until I brought up bile.
Mom smiled, satisfied.
She told me to go study.
When I entered my room, I froze.
Mom had skinned the rabbits and made a
cushion out of their fur.
It was on my chair.
I screamed and collapsed against the door frame.
I begged mom to take it away.
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She laughed coldly.
“Mary Deakinson, don’t even think about it.
From now on, you will sit on this cushion year-
round. I want you to remember this is what
happens when you don’t focus on your studies and think about boys instead!”
6
When I returned to school, my deskmate had
His new class was a floor above mine.
Having driven away such an outstanding
student, my teacher and classmates despised
- me.
No one believed we once had mutual affection.
To them, I was a monster unworthy of such a bright and sunny boy’s affection.
From then on, no one wanted to sit with me.
I was placed in the front row, sitting alone.
Every day, my classmates‘ whispers felt like
needles on my back.
But my mom was very proud.
She told her friends that the teacher valued me,
setting me apart to avoid distractions.
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For the first time, I found her ridiculous.
But I didn’t tell her.
After all, if I could be controlled by a joke.
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Wasn’t I a joke myself?
Soon, it was time for the high school entrance
exams.
Except for losing two points on my essay, I
scored full marks on everything else.
When reporters came to the school for
interviews, the teachers and principal declined,
citing their busy schedules.
Only my mom enthusiastically shared her
“wisdom.”
She vividly recounted my near–romantic
experience, spitting as she spoke.
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She even excitedly showed off a photo of my rabbit fur cushion.
That photo made it into the local newspaper.
On graduation day, I saw the boy I once viewed
as my light.
He held that newspaper, his fingers trembling.
When he turned around, his eyes were as red as
the rabbits‘.
I wanted to explain.
But he turned away, refusing to look at me
again.
My youth had just begun.
But it was already over.
From then on, I never looked at any small
<
animals.
64
I felt my affection was the cruelest thing in the
world for them.
I shut myself off.
Threw myself into studying.
Mom’s slaps became fewer.
She often said I was too big to hit.
So, she switched to lectures.
By then, we were very poor.
The 2,000 dollars dad left us was long gone.
Mom had been fired again, with no income.
She still fed me milk, eggs, and fish oil, while she went to the market to scavenge unwanted
- 1)
Every morning, she’d sip the soup in front of me, saying, “Mom lives like this for you. You have to succeed, or how can you repay me?”
I hated her for this.
But I also pitied her.
I struggled in the whirlpool of hate and pity.
unable to find a way out.
Until one day, after evening study, I stood by the river.
Staring at the dark waters below the bridge.
I seemed to hear a beautiful voice calling me, “Jump in, and you’ll be free from her. Jump in, and you won’t suffer anymore.”
I climbed onto the railing, standing there.
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The wind on the river swayed my eighty pound
body
I closed my eyes.
But sor
grabbed me from behind.
A patrol officer found me and pulled me backs
When the police brought me home that day, my mom was frantically searching for me.
She heard I was about to jump into the river
After the police left, she grabbed a rolling pin and beat my backs.
“Mary Dealsinson! Trying to scare me with
death, huh? Stop with the melodrama.
Remember, I gave you life, and you need my
She reminded me again of her ten months of
<
pregnancy.
Saying I parasitized her, draining her of
nutrients and life.
I numbly endured her beatings and insults.
- )
Once again, I promised her, “Mom, I will study hard and repay you.”
I knew she wanted me to succeed.
Therefore she could leech off me in return.
Demanding back everything I took from her,
tenfold.
7
The three years of high school finally came to
an end.
Before the college entrance exam, I was so
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3:41
was asleep.
As a result, I didn’t sleep a wink.
This affected my performance somewhat.
