2
I thought I’d just fade away.
But then I was standing in the bathroom,
staring into the mirror at my face, not yet
burned to hell.
Confused, I glanced down and saw a pregnancy test with two pink lines in the
trash.
I realized then, I’d been given a second
chance.
When I opened the door, Mom was already screaming at me.
<
“I told you to get up at four to make oatm
for Ashley! Were you sleeping?!”
I looked at my sister sitting at the table, grinning like a Cheshire cat.
I’d known for a long time that Mom didn’t lik
- me.
Since grade school, she and Dad had shipped me off to boarding school.
Ashley had always been at home with them.
When I managed to come home on the
weekends, I had to get up early to cook
<
breakfast and do laundry for Ashley.
My hands, cracked and bleeding from being
soaked in cold water, were already develop
frostbite.
Mom didn’t give a damn. “You owe Ashley
this,” she’d say.
When she had me, I was breech and she had
to have a C–section.
It left a light–colored scar on her stomach.
When we were little, she’d always feed Ashley first, get her to sleep, then dump lukewarm formula down my throat.
<
If I cried, she’d yell, “Shut up! If it wasn’t for
you, I wouldn’t have this ugly scar!”
She had wanted a son, but it never happened
She was sure the C–section ruined her
chances of ever getting pregnant again.
She’d poke me in the head.
“It’s all your fault, you worthless thing! You ruined any chance of having a boy!”
I was afraid to cry. I bit my lip and took it.
Then came school for me and Ashley.
<
I got good grades, but Ashley always failed.
When I showed her my report card full of As,
she didn’t look happy at all. She shoved me
aside, looking at me with pure hate.
“It’s your fault for stealing all my nutrients in the womb, so that my head hurts as soon as I
start studying.”
That was a lie.
I was just careful to finish the assignments the teacher gave, study hard, and do my
revisions.
Ashley’s head hurt because she wanted to
く
games.
But Mom wouldn’t listen to me. She slammed
the door in my face.
I heard her inside, sweetly talking to Ashley.
It was the kind of tenderness I had never
experienced.
At one point, I’d been brainwashed into thinking I was born owing my family
something.
I thought that as long as I worked hard and obeyed, Mom might give me even a little love.
<
Now that I looked back at it, it was
ridiculously ironic.
It wasn’t that I was born with sin. Those loud accusations were nothing more than excuses used by parents to hide their bias.
I had to get out of this dangerous house as soon as possible.
L
