9
<
After turning off my phone, my world was
unusually quiet.
For 27 years, I’d been on the go, never
stopping.
It was like if I slowed down, the world would
leave me behind…
Jane, what are you chasing? I asked myself.
A hollow feeling in my chest was the only
answer.
They say that at the end of the world, people
who’ve seen the aurora borealis get their
wishes granted.
<
WISHES giallou.
After landing in Scandinavia, I checked into
an Airbnb.
Liam and I had been here before on a
business trip.
But we’d had to leave early because of the
snow.
Lots of others seemed to have the same idea,
and it turned out we were all staying at the
same place.
Some of them were friends, family, or
couples.
We all became a temporary sightseeing team.
The town didn’t have any high rises inst
Г
We all became a temporary sightseeing team.
The town didn’t have any high rises, just
endless snow–capped mountains and fjords.
The sunset painted the mountaintops in hues
of orange and pink. A plane took off, its
sound echoing across the fjord, sending
seagulls scattering.
When the night came, the clouds hid most of
the stars.
But there was always a solution. Someone
suggested chasing the Northern Lights.
We rented a van and hired a local guide, a
“light hunter,” and embarked on our silly
quest.
<
The car wound its way through the dark, until
a soft glow appeared in the distance.
“It’s the lights!” someone shouted.
The swirling colors streaked across the sky,
reaching into my soul.
–
“Why aren’t you making a wish?” someone
asked.
I was speechless. I suppose I had had lots of
desires before.
Like for my mom to care more.
Or a future with Liam.
But at that moment, I couldn’t even say a
word.
“I hope my mom gets better,” a guy next to
me said, praying.
I mimicked him, closing my eyes and
whispering:
“Then, I wish for my health and that
everything I dream of, comes true.”
Around the campfire, the travelers shared
their stories.
Some wished for a forever love.
Others prayed for their loved ones‘ well-
being.
I’d never felt such peace.
<
Tell such peace.
Usually, my mind was only focused on risk
assessments.
The risks of any situation, the return on
investments.
Emotionality had always been a luxury for me.
Because if I ever fell down, no one would help
me up, and more people would kick me while
I was down.
Liam had given me the courage to consider
areas I’d always avoided.
I’d tried to scare him away, telling him all my
flaws, my past, all my failures.
I wasn’t someone werth his offerts
<
Tιaws, my past, all my Tallures.
I wasn’t someone worth his efforts.
But he’d always come back, telling me I was
enough.
And in the end, he’d broken me, shattered me
completely.
He’d stabbed me, over and over.
So painful, but almost relieving.
The snow started to fall and I felt my tears
freeze on my face.
I stretched out my arms, dancing with the snow, and the comforting fantasy it brought.
<
It’s alright, Jane.
Dark clouds began to roll in. People sighed.
“Well, that sucks. It’s snowing, let’s go back.”
On the drive back, the unexpected happened.
The car flipped over several times. Everything
was white.
“Avalanche!”
Fear, blame, and self–pity filled the car.
I’d often imagined what it would be like to go
to an amusement park with my family.
I’d have ribbons in my hair, sitting on my
dad’s shoulders. I’d drop the act and be like a
<
begging, “Mommy, I want that!”
But in a moment of life or death, I realized.
Relationships are always temporary.
Whether family, friends, or lovers.
Like now, the tension in the car turned to
encouragement…
“We’re gonna make it.”
Someone shouted, and we all started kicking
at the windows.
We’d been strangers only hours ago.
Because of the same trip, we were
encouraging each other.
<
encouraging each other.
And after today, we’d go back to our lives,
passing each other by.
Once we were rescued, I collapsed on the
ground, exhausted.
I drew a little sun in the soft snow.
A mark that was mine, and mine alone.
Everything changes, my mark would be
erased.
But I had been there.
I had been alive.
Love yourself first, and save yourself.
く
I realized, my journey was just beginning.
