The blanket was gone, and the cold air hit me
like a punch.
My soaked clothes clung to me, and I
shivered all over.
I bit my lip, said nothing.
I dragged myself out of bed, made a pot of
oatmeal, and went to school without even a
I spent the whole day trying not to throw up.
L
I couldn’t focus on anything, but I didn’t shed
a single tear.
I didn’t say a word about the pain.
Nobody would care anyway.
When the bell finally rang, I stood up to pack
my stuff, and everything went black.
I woke up in a hospital bed.
The doctor was there, telling me I had acute
appendicitis.
He was all over Mom for bringing me in so
late.
<
“Another few hours, and your daughter’s
appendix could have burst!”
Mom stood there, just barely hiding a sneer.
She rolled her eyes and mumbled.
“Always with the drama. She’s nothing but a
pain.”
She counted out some bills from her purse,
her face twisting in disgust.
“God, another three grand? What am I even
paying for? What a waste of money!”
Then she stomped out, her heels clicking like
gunshots.
Even the doctor was stunned.
He stared after her.
“Jeez, what kind of mother is that?”
I didn’t say anything.
I hurt too much, I was too tired.
I just felt numb.
The doctor tried to be nice.
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Moms get
stressed, you know?
I forced a smile.
<
I knew Mom meant every word.
And sure enough, after that first bill, she
never showed up again.
Dad and Tommy?
Forget about it.
It was like I’d ceased to exist.
I was fresh out of surgery and starving.
The woman in the next bed felt bad for me.
She shared some of her son’s meals with me,
and I finally started to get my strength back.
The nurses helped me with the catheter and
bathroom duty
<
When I felt a little better, I helped the woman
next door get water and take care of her son.
She kept trying to stop me from helping, and
she took my hands and said, “You’re a good
girl. Your mother is too heartless!”
I got a sharp and quick pain in my chest from
her words.
But after so many times, I just felt numb.
02
Mom didn’t let me stay long.
The doctor wanted me to stay at least a
week, but Mom checked me out after four
days.
<
Said the hospital bill was too high.
The first day I got back, Dad smiled.
I thought he was actually going to ask if I was
feeling better.
What he said will always stay with me.
He said, “You’re finally back. Your mother’s
cooking is terrible. Make some ramen for us
in the morning.”
I thought it was absurd when I thought back
on it later.
Even an employer would show some concern
for their live–in nanny.
<
But the only thing that mattered to them was
having someone to do the chores.
Mom sat with a notebook and started
calculating things.
“Surgery and hospital stay, $3,000! Plus, what
you’ve already spent, a total of $63,000, you
need to pay us back in the future.”
It sounds crazy, but I had my own ledger.
From a very young age, Mom documented
every penny I spent.
I didn’t know this until one day when the
family went shopping for Chinese New Year
clothes.
Г
Mom bought Tommy a $1,800 down jacket,
but when we got to me, she said she was out
of money.
I still had the innocent mind of a child and
said, “But there’s still money in your wallet.”
Mom looked at me without saying a word.
Her eyes were mixed with sarcasm and
disdain as she said, “Are you sure you want
to buy it?”
I was in elementary school at the time, and I
wanted new clothes like every other girl.
Even though Mom’s eyes made me afraid, I
nodded.
Mom bought me a $138 jacket
<
Why do I remember the price so clearly?
When we got home, Mom took out the ledger
and wrote down my spending.
