The first entry was the hospital bill for giving
birth to me.
She pulled out a pen and wrote a number in
the notebook, 138.
She pointed and said, “You spent this money. This is how much money you spent on
clothes.”
Mom lifted her head and looked at me.
“Daughters are strangers. You will need to
pay this money back to me.”
く
I was too young to fully understand, and
asked, “Does Tommy have a ledger?”
Mom’s expression changed as she glared and
laughed.
“Everything in this house belongs to Tommy!
“Remember, you’re spending Tommy’s money,
and you need to be thankful!”
I didn’t understand why I should be thankful,
but I nodded in fear because of my mom’s
face.
My family wasn’t very rich, but we were
middle–class.
When I was in elementary school, we had two
My parents said I shouldn’t desire any of it
because it all belonged to Tommy.
I got used to it after a long time.
I felt like a stranger in my own house.
Before I asked Mom for something, I would
write it down and calculate how much money
I owed.
To be honest, my parents didn’t treat me
badly, but I didn’t eat as well as Tommy.
They treated me like a stranger and made
sure to calculate everything, like a loan.
My upbringing was like a loan that I needed
to pay back with interest.
L
I thought this was the same for everyone until
I mentioned it to a friend.
My friend, an only child, asked, “Are your
parents crazy?”
She said parents are selfless.
Her parents gave her whatever she asked for
and never mentioned money.
She said most parents are like that, and love
can’t be measured with money.
It sounds ridiculous, but this basic concept
was shocking to me.
I started observing other people and realized
my friend was right.
L
I was the exception.
I asked Mom why she treated me and Tommy
differently.
She looked surprised, as if I had asked why
the earth was round.
She said, “Tommy is the Tang family’s son.
We need to rely on him when we get old.”
I didn’t understand, “I can take care of you,
too.”
Mom looked at me and laughed.
“Daughters are raised for someone else.
You’re someone else’s family and can’t be
relied on.”
く
My parents continued to use these standards.
The year Tommy took the college entrance
exam, I did too.
The atmosphere was tense, and Mom made
me cook for Tommy every day.
I woke up at 4:30 a.m. to cook for Tommy
before going to morning study.
Tommy was treated like an emperor.
Mom was afraid of speaking too loud so she
wouldn’t disturb him.
Even then, Tommy still didn’t get into
university.
He didn’t care, but my parents did.
They came up with a plan and spent a lot of
money to send him to America.
My parents showed off Tommy’s big future to
the neighbors.
My test scores were enough to get into the
best college, but no one congratulated me.
In their eyes, daughters are raised for others,
so I was useless no matter how good I was.
Mom would say, “Why do you need so many
points? If Tommy had your points, he would
have been much more successful.”
That summer was hot and annoying because
of the cicadas.
Dad told me that I needed to be independent
<
and wouldn’t pay for my tuition.
He talked to me for the first time in a long
time.
Dad was indifferent to me, which was worse
than Mom’s disdain.
I knew what he wanted to say but hoped for
the best.
Maybe it was a father’s last words to his
daughter.
Dad took out the ledger and said, “You don’t
need to rush paying this. Parents always love
their children. Pay us back slowly.”
I laughed and nodded.
Г
“Okay, I know.”
