“I feel like someone’s waiting for me to come
home.”
“Enough.”
Sarah came over to me.
“You were in pain? Why didn’t you call me?
Are you hurting now? Should I take you to the
hospital?”
I shook my head.
“I haven’t been in pain as much lately.
Sometimes, I feel normal, maybe this is…”
“Shut up!”
Sarah cut me off.
“I’m taking you to the hospital after
breakfast!”
A breeze blew through my hair.
Some things are better left unsaid.
So I nodded.
“Okay. What’s for breakfast?”
The video ended there.
It started again, with just me in front of the
camera.
I smiled.
“I’m recording this on the sly. Sarah wouldn’t
く
want me to say this. She’s probably crying
right now.
“Sometimes, it’s not Mom and Dad I dream
about.
“I see them standing at the door, holding my
favorite mac and cheese.
“They ask if I’m tired from school.
“And they tell me it’s time to come home.”
I sighed, trying not to cry.
Tears streamed down my face.
“You think people start walking and then
suddenly realize they’re all alone?”
<
I smiled.
“Well, that’s not so bad, right?
“I only have to worry about Sarah. If I’m all
alone, I won’t leave as much behind, right?”
I waved.
“I can’t let Sarah hear this.
“I’ll hide this video. When she finds it after I’m
gone, she can yell at me all she wants.
“You don’t know it, but she’s holding back
when she films.
“She is so mean when she’s angry. You can’t
hear that.”
L
Sarah sighed.
“You sound awful. You don’t have to go, you
know?”
I rested my cheek on my hand.
“I do. It’s the biggest night of his life.”
Sarah scoffed.
“He wrote that song for Brittany. You should
be mad, not going to see him get an award
for it.”
I laughed.
“He thinks I cheated on him. He wasn’t gonna
write a song for me.”
L
The car stopped near the awards show.
The first thing I saw was Jake’s photo on a
giant screen.
[Love’s Color Tops Charts.
[Jake’s Ultimate Romantic Gift]
The background music was the same.
[With you, every morning feels like forever,
you in my life, love turned the world to a
spectrum]
“That’s awful.”
Sarah rolled her eyes.
I laughed.
“No, it’s a great song.‘
“Whatever.”
“Okay, let’s go. We worked hard to get those
tickets.”
I grabbed Sarah’s arm.
I then went all black.
The world spun.
I heard Sarah scream.
“Amy!”
The camera showed a TV broadcasting the
Г
The camera showed a TV broadcasting the
awards show.
Jake and Brittany were on stage, giving
acceptance speeches.
“I want to thank someone else.
“The person who dumped me.
“If she hadn’t disappeared, I wouldn’t know I
could love this much.”
Brittany blushed.
The crowd went wild.
I held the camera in front of my face.
I saw my sunken cheeks.
I cleared my throat.
“I need to set the record straight.
“I didn’t disappear to ditch Jake, I died.”
Sarah cried.
“Stop it! I finally stopped crying…”
The camera shook as I laughed.
I couldn’t hold it.
I gave the camera to Sarah and closed my
eyes.
“So tired. Wanna sleep.”
This time, I really could rest.
- 12.
The tape ended.
Sarah sat on the floor, sobbing.
Jake stared at the black screen, turning to
Sarah.
“Why didn’t she tell me?”
Sarah choked.
“She found out when you were broke.
“She knew you’d quit the contest to take care
“She knew you’d quit the contest to take care
of her, but Lisa said you had a shot at getting
famous.
“She knew she was dying, she wanted to go
home.”
Jake’s knuckles were white.
He didn’t cry.
He just laughed.
“She hated me, right?”
Sarah shook her head.
“She made some videos. I didn’t know about
them ‘til after she died.”
Г
My face appeared on the screen again.
I waved at the camera, hooked up to an IV,
lying in a hospital bed.
“I gotta clear some things up.
“I don’t want people to hate on Jake.
“He’s a good guy. We grew up together. I
know him.
“After that concert, money kept showing up in
my account.
“I knew it was him.”
I held up the records, showing huge sums of
money.
く
I smiled.
“I know it’s you, Jake.
“Thanks. But it’s too late.
“I’m gonna donate it. Start a cancer fund or
something.
“I should say how I’m splitting my stuff up.
“I didn’t get treatment, so I have some
money.
“Jake doesn’t need it, so it’s all going to
Sarah.
“And Sarah gets the rights to these videos.
く
“It would be great if she could build a
following off this.
“Jake didn’t do anything wrong. He’s just a
softie. Don’t hate him.”
I waved.
“See ya later.”
