“You gave me a kidney, didn’t you?”
He finally loosened his grip so I could breathe.
I was thinking about killing myself, but now I
<
decided against it because that would be too
painful.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his
pocket.
“This donation form. It’s you,” he said, his
eyes red. “Why would you do that?”
He hugged me again, but this time I pushed
him away.
“Just a coincidence. You must be mistaken.”
I lied again, but he lifted my shirt.
I instinctively tried to cover myself.
<
It was my shame. I didn’t want anyone to see
it, especially him.
The jagged scar. Because I was so thin, it
looked even longer and more grotesque.
He reached out and touched it, his face
contorted in pain.
He touched it for a long time, crying.
It was the first time I’d ever seen Ethan cry.
He buried his face in my waist, sobbing,
trembling.
I wanted to pat his shoulder, to comfort him.
But I was the one who was dying.
<
“Does it hurt?”
What did he think? That getting sliced open
didn’t hurt?
I said, “I don’t remember.”
He stood up and hugged me again, this time
more gently.
He held me like I was made of glass, afraid I
would break.
“Sam told me everything. I saw your journal.”
“I’m sorry. You did all this for me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I’m
11
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
He was crying like a baby.
How ironic. I looked up, trying not to cry.
Couldn’t he see?
He’d never cared about anything I did. What
difference would it have made if I’d told him?
My anxiety flared up again.
Sam was furious.
“Don’t you know you can’t get stressed?”
He glanced at Ethan.
L
My failing kidneys meant I couldn’t take the
medication. All that was left was electroshock
therapy.
I didn’t want it. I wanted to go home.
Ethan grabbed me and held me down on the
bed.
“We can get you better. I’ll take you to the
best doctors. We’ll fix this.”
Did he think I was an idiot?
“Electroshock therapy is the only thing that
can help her right now!”
I couldn’t argue with them. I agreed to the
treatment. What did it matter?
There was one good thing about electroshock
therapy. My memories were fading. I couldn’t
remember the bad things. I was starting to
feel happy.
Ethan was always red–eyed.
I told him to leave, but he wouldn’t. Lily came
to see him once, but he turned her away.
“Ethan…”
“Yeah?”
“At our wedding, you were with your
sweetheart, not your wife.”
“Now you’re marrying your sweetheart, and
you’re here with me.‘
く
“Do you just hate wives?”
He gave a sad smile. “I didn’t marry Lily.”
He didn’t?
Was it because of me?
“So what is this? Some kind of act?” I
sneered.
Was he having a change of heart?
“I’m sorry…”
He reached out to touch my face, but I
flinched away.
L
My disgust must have hurt him. He awkwardly
pulled his hand back.
As the electroshock therapy went on, my
memories faded.
I didn’t even hate Ethan anymore.
